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Friends meme

1. Name:
2. Birthday:
3. Where do you live:
4: What are you studying/What are you working as:
5. What makes you happy:
6. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
7. What is particularly good/bad about my LJ:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. Favorite place to be:
11. Favorite lyric:
12. Best time of the year:
13. Weirdest food you like:

1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A song:
4: A band:

1. Favorite Fandom:
2. OTP/OT3:
3. Icon/Fic Journal (so I can join):

1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Put this in your lj so I can tell you what I think of you?

Stolen from [info]_stand__still_ :)

► list 10-15 of your favourite old and new fandoms
► have your flist guess your favourite ship(s) from each fandom
► put the name of the first person to get it right

1. 24 - Tony/Michelle - yazizzle33 , Jack/Audrey - gsrolive
2. 30 Rock - Jack/Liz - devexation
3. Bones - Booth/Brennan - devexation , Angela/Hodgins - yazizzle33
4. CSI - Grissom/Sara - devexation 
5. ER - Doug/Carol, Mark/Susan - yazizzle33
6. Friends - Monica/Chandler - yazizzle33, Ross/Rachel - devexation 
7. Gilmore Girls - Luke/Lorelai - devexation 
8. Glee - Will/Emma - devexation , Puck/Quinn - yazizzle33
9. House - House/Cuddy - devexation , Chase/Thirteen - yazizzle33
10. The Good Wife - Alicia/Peter - gsrolive
11. The X-Files - Mulder/Scully - devexation
12. Third Watch - Jimmy/Kim, Faith/Bosco (friendship) - gsrolive

The list could go on and on, though, lol :P
In memory of family and friends who have lost the battle with cancer; and in support of the ones who continue to conquer it! Post this on your LJ if you know someone who has or had cancer. 93% won't copy and paste this. Will you?

Wow I haven't posted here in foreverrrrr O___O

Happy posts or no posts from now on

You know what, I've decided that I've had it with negative/whiny/dramatic LJ entries, not just mine, but everyone else's too. Reading other people's problems alwyas makes me feel so awful because 1) there's nothing I CAN do but read and 2) when I do truy to say something I always get the feeling that either it didn't help at all or that the person didn't even care or appreciate it. I know that's ridiculous to expect appreciation from people who are down, but well, I appreciate it when people care about me, so when they say nice things I respond to them. I guess I just expect people to be the same way, consideration, you know? Anyway, I'm tired of feeling bad for people. I know it sounds horrible, but the truth is, no matter how far away people are from me, no matter if I know them in person or just online, what happens to me them always gets to me, I feel sad for online friends who are going through bad stuff just as much as I care about real life friends who are going through the same stuff, there are days where I read stuff that makes me so sad I wanna cry. And I feel like I'm stupid, cause if I know that makes me so sad and depressed why do I keep reading such entries? I know this probably makes me sound like the weakest person, but it's not that, it's just that things really get to me, I don't know why, and it doesn't make me any good, ever.
I'm also done with my own negative/whiny/dramatic entries too. Why would I want people to know about my personal problems anyway? I mean, I tell people stuff, and what happens is either they talk to me saying things like "oh I'm sorry *hugs*" which doesn't do much, or they just don't say anything and I feel neglected. Which is pretty stupid, considering it's internet people I'm talking about, why should they care about my personal, and why should I care whether they care or not, it's just ridiculous. My problems are my problems, other people's problems are theirs, and Internet is not a therapy session. So enough with the negativity already.

I don't know what to write here. But I felt like writing, after two weeks. I had stopped writing because no matter how much I write about how much that job sucks, writing won't make it go away, and it won't make me feel better about it. Besides, who cares, anyway. Today they called me there, said they wanted to talk to me. They didn't wanna talk about anything, just wanted me to stay till the year of the year. Big NO, I don't care whatever they have to do to find someone else, and I could care less if that makes the school look bad to the parents. The school IS bad, so how could it look good? They don't care about their professionals at all, they're only interested in their fucking money. To hell with them, ALL of them. I regret starting on this job SO much, I had no obligation to say yes to it, yet I said yes because I too was only thinking about how much more money I'd make, I really needed it and that was all I thought. I never expected that sick enviornment to get to me so much, to make me sick, to make me this depressed. And it kills me, you know, to think that none of this had to happen at all, and I can't help but wonder that had I said no, none of these panic attacls would have started again, I wouldn't be crying every day and feeling depressed all the time. Yeah, I know if I hadn't tried I'd probably regret too when I needed more money I'd think "I had another job opportunity and refused it", so yeah, at least I can say I tried. Still, not really worth it if I'lll have to spend the extra money on therapy one more time. I just hope this all goes away as soon as I quit. I'm counting the days now.

Another entry to be read by no one

I've been feeling so lonely lately. I know this might sound really ridiculous to some people, but well, I get really attached to my online friends. Very much, some of them know me better than people who see me everyday so, when they're not around, I feel like there's something missing. And that's what's been happening, one of my friends, the one I'm the closest with, she hasn't been on for so long now, and I miss her :( I know it's for the best, she's studying because she really wants to pass this exam and get this job, and I'm rooting for her, but still :( I think I'm selfish :(

At least I can say that I tried

That's what I always think when I try to do something different with a class of students that are not worth it. Really, some classes are not worth the time I waste preparing stuff for them. That's why I only do that ONCE, I prepare something, see if it works, and then if they just don't care and don't even bother paying any attention to me at all, I just give up and think to myself whatever fuck you all, cause I couldn't care less about them. And then I can say that at least I tried. Because really, I do, I try really hard, but I'm tired of talking to myself, of wasting my precious voice and time with useless people. I try once, if they can't see the value in what I'm doing, then they're not worth it.
At least they paid today, and that was about the only good thing that happened there. I'm so over that place and I haven't even been there for 2 months. I never liked schools, like EVER. It was always such a cruel evil pointless environment to me, and that's still how I feel when I'm there. I was bullied when I was student, for so long, basically all my school life, really. So when I'm there and I'm almost screaming for people to hear me and they don't even turn their heads to look at me, I feel bullied all over again. That's why I never wanted to be a teacher, cause I knew it would be like this, that's what school is like, it's still a cruel evil pointless place, you go there, learn nothing, you get bullied, then you go home. Now as a teacher I go there, teach the walls, then come home. Same shit. Can't wait to get out of this again and for good this time. 

Is it silly that I already feel homesick sometimes? Sometimes just looking at the pics of my family and friends that I have on my board makes me feel like crying already. This morning it was listening to the national anthem (we have to sing it at school) I felt like crying again, cause it's like....my country, you know, my home, it's where I come from, and where all my life has been so far. And I know it will change. Sometimes when I talk to my sister, those long talks on the phone, or when I talk to my mom here at home, or when we all, mom dad and I make a video, or just when I give them lots of hugs and kisses and I see they like it when I do that, all that makes me tear up afterwards, knowing that at least for a year I won't have any of these things and I won't have any of these people, my family, around me. I won't leave until March/April next year and I already feel like this, lol, actually I teared up just writing this, it's so crazy.

On other stuff, today is a holiday here, Independence Day. I had to work in the morning anyway, but it was ok, I hadn't seen this group in two weeks, and they weren't so noisy today, it was good :) And no work in the afternoon today, YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! \o/ I'll still have stuff to do, though, elaborate tests, print exercises, prepare lessons and stuff. But that's good, I usually feel like doing this stuff when it's either a holiday or the weekend, that's when I have ideas. On regular work days I just feel like doing nothing when I get home, lol. One test is ready, actually, 3rd grade of high school. Now I need the ones for 1st and 2nd grade, and also for 9th grade. Hope I'm done with all of them today :D \o/

That's it for now, but it's only noon, I'll probably write more later, hehehe :D

Sep. 4th, 2009

Thursdays are usually a better day cause I only have to go to Job#1, in the afternoon, so I can wake up later than the rest of the week. Today was meh as always, then after I finally finished the last class and thought oh great now I'm going home, nooooooo, the boss wanted to talk to me and Vivs in her office. Basically she wanted to know if we're really leaving next year or if we're still interested in keeping our positions. This must have been the 983745565939th time we told her that YES, we ARE leaving. This is so annoying, it's the same thing every month, she comes here (thank God she's only here for one week every month, I think we'd go insane otherwise) and starts asking these things that are so none of her business, like how much we're paying for the exchange program. "it's TOO cheap" she says, like because it's cheap it's not good. It might be cheap for her, not for me, I know how much I'm working to save money for this. Too cheap my ass. And why does she even care about this in the first place, is she paying any of our expenses?? No, she certainly isn't so why can't she just shut up and leave us alone. It annoys me that she thinks she knows it all and we're just a pair of young little fools who don't know what they're doing. Of course we don't listen to her, we've made up our minds about this a long time ago and we've been working hard for years to be able to go on this exchange program, so anyone can say whatever crap they want, I don't care and I know Vivs doesn't either, but still, it SUCKS to have to listen to this blah blah blah all the time. And then after this we had to tell her what we think about the girls who are being trained to be teachers, the ones that will replace us next year. Poor them, hehehe. No, really, I think they can really do a great job there and I hope they do, cause I sure can't take that anymore, I'm done.
So after all the talk, we still had to be there till after 7pm, correcting tests, ugh. And tomorrow there are the oral tests that we're supposed to conduct with 7 people. And after that I'll have a new class to teach. It's a Michigan Preparatory Course, for intermediate level students who want to take the ECCE exams. Honestly, I have no idea what I'll be doing there, I've never taught this kind of course, it's a new material to me. And she wants me to not only teach the course, but also elaborate the schedule. What the fuck? Did anybody ever teach me how to do this? No, I'm just supposed to know it all on my own. I only accepted this for the extra money, of course, the more hours I work, the more money I get, so. I hope the students are good. Well, they must be, if they wanna take that exam, it's really hard to pass. AND expensive too. Because of how hard and expensive it is, many students end up not taking it, and she wants to change that, so she decided that Vivs and I should develop a project, named Mini-Michigan, a series of mini tests for the students to get used to the ECCE test format since they're little kids. So that's what Vivs and I have been doing on Friday mornings, elaborating tests for this thing. But now she told us that the tests are secondary, we should first care about the project description and that we should prepare a presentation for the parents, so that they know what this is all about. Again, did anybody ever prepare us for something like that, no, we're just naturally prepared right. Again, just something we accepted for the extra money. So now I have 6 classes in Job #1 including this ECCE class, plus a project to develop and a presentation to make for the parents, I also have to train the girl who's attending my classes to replace me next year, and there's another one that will attend another class so I'll have to train her too, and I have 5 classes in Job#2. I feel so overwhelmed with the number of things I have to do right now, really, sometimes I feel like the less competent I am, the more important stuff they give me to do.

Sep. 2nd, 2009

Oh nice, now I learned how to color the text and everything, hahahaha, lol. I've decided to use this as some kind of diary, that way I'll learn how to use it, and will always have a place to vent, hehehe. It was really good writing all that yesterday, made me feel better. I could have talked to someone, like I always do, or I could have written on paper, but I don't know, it's different here, better somehow.
Anyway, today. It was really sucky in the morning, cause I had the wrong time written down, it said 11:10am, but when I got there, no, classes start at 11am *pout*, which means when I got there the class was a mess already and stayed that way for the almost two hours I was there, ugh, fuck it. Last time I was with this group of students last week I thought things were getting better with them, but it was shit today, they just couldn't bother looking at me, let alone listening to me, it sucked sucked sucked, at one point I just told one student to go and write all the answers on the board for them to copy, they wouldn't participate or pay attention anyway, all they care about is having everything ready, so ok, if they wanna be stupid, who am I to stop them, go to hell them all.
I'm gonna call my jobs job#1 and job#2. Job#2 is in the morning, high school. Job#1 is in the afternoon, ESL school. So, in the afternoon I guess it was ok, I took them to the computer lab for their writing activities, that's something I always like to do. Plus, these ones aren't so bad, specially when the noisiest of them is absent, they're actually good for the most part. And then after them, there are the kids. Sometimes I feel like I'm kind of over that class, cause I've been teaching them for over a year, that's not something I like, you know. I think we should have the class for a year, than change, we need a break from the students and they need a break from us, otherwise the things that annoy you in some of them just get more and more annoying. Anyway, I tried to play a game with them....it was somewhat ok.....but like I said, I'm tired it's like I don't know how to do anything new anymore, it's like I've done everything I know with them, played all the games I know, and now I just can't think of any cool new stuff, and honestly, I can't really be bothered to do so, most of the time.....it's frustrating, and very boring, actually. But meh, frustration and boredom is something I'm kind of already used to in teaching, anyway *rolleyes* On the bright side, this is something so tiny, but it's something that always makes me happy, a student from 7th grade saw me walking out and she just ran from where she was sitting to hug me, that was so cute, awwww. That was the same student who gave me stickers when I told her it was my last day teaching her class, she's so sweet. These are some of the great things that happen sometimes, and when they do, I can forget about the suckiness for a while at least *sigh*

On other stuff, not work related: 1) it's too hot. And 2) as always, I don't know what I should do right now (it's 2am) - watch some more Seinfeld, read some more Twilight, or read this textbook that's right next to me? I'll probably go with Seinfeld, as always, lol.

And I've spent quite sometime squeeeeeeeeing over the new Hugh/Lisa ET photobooth segment, gosh, I have to keep reminding myself that I canNOT ship them, but they make it almost impossible *thud*